Decisions
by cleopatra2070
Summary: Ken makes a decision. Warning: shounenai! Kensuke!onesided or not Finished!
1. Ken's Decision

Hello! This is my very first Digimon fic! So please be gentle!

I'd really like to know your opinions about it. Please?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Digimon.

++++++++++++++++++

Decisions

Chapter 1: Ken's Decision

Three years have passed. And now, it's Christmas again. I remember, we were all here, in my room, myself still not believing they had accepted to come, even forgiven all I had done. For the first time, I wasn't alone anymore. But now, though the guilt has died down, I feel more alone than ever. There is this huge emptiness inside me, this longing and… it just hurts so much…

I love him. I can see that clearly in my soul. More than friendship, and gratitude, or guild towards him. Love. As deep and restless as the sea. As deep as only my pain. He will _never_ love me. 

But that doesn't stop me from yearning after him. His body, his hands, his eyes, his lips. God, how would it be like to feel his lips against mine? No, I mustn't think about that. I can't. Because I know he will never, ever, do that. He loves Yolei too much. Or will. I knew it, ever since I got to know these two, that they'll fall madly in love someday. It doesn't seem to have happened yet, but soon… And what will it be of me then? Just a leaf, blown in some direction by a changing gust of wind.

I look outside. The snowflakes shimmer through the air, taken by the wind in the most unexpected places. But still, one by one, they land near each other, together. Only _I_ am alone. So alone… and lonely. Life is so unfair. I get to see him almost every day, but I cannot reveal my true feelings. It's so hard…

And I have no one to turn to. What would the other digidestined say if they knew? They'd probably go into shock. And consider me a freak. Funny, but I think they dealt easier with my being the DigimonKaiser, then they would with the fact that I'm gay. And in love with Davis. I'm scared that even him would be disgusted by me. That's why I can never tell him. Never.

And still…and still… sometimes I begin wondering, hoping--but no, no I must not allow myself to hope. Why would I? So my heart would be shattered into a million pieces?

This loneliness inside has made me think about suicide. It would be _so_ easy to end everything. The pain, the loneliness, the need…But that would be cowardliness. This is the burden I must carry. Maybe I feel it's a punishment for my deeds. I have to stay in this world, even if only for my parents. I know they'd suffer too much if they lost their other son, too. And…Wormmon needs me also. I can't leave him. But then, what am I to do? My soul and my body scream the same thing: "Davis, I need you!" I can no longer stay in silence, suffering. I have to tell him. I owe him the truth. Davis!…

My mind is made up and my plan formed. For once I won't stay to think for hours about this and go tell him! I grab my jacket and leave the apartment, telling mom I'm going to Davis'.

~~~

So here I am, walking through the snow, the cold air freezing my face, my lungs, but not my heart.

I finally arrive at Davis'. I almost don't believe it, that I gathered up courage and came here. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself and reach for the doorbell. My hand however moves more slowly than an oyster (and oysters don't move that much!). Somehow I manage to ring it and after a few moments a beautiful girl in a short tight black dress opens the door. She has sparkling black eyes and red hair. 

"Hi, Jun!" I greet her. 

"Oh, hi, Ken! How are you? Come in!" she says, smiling. 

I try to smile back, but it's almost impossible. I say "Good evening" to the Motomiyas, whilst my heart seems to fall somewhere down in my shoes and go 160 beats a minute at the same time.

"Hi, Ken!"

I completely freeze at the sound of Davis' voice but manage to turn around, shivering and stuttering:

"Ahm…he-he-hello, Davis."

"Hey, what happened? Come into my room, so we can talk" he says with a worried look.

I take very little steps, as my heart is pounding in my chest even faster. Slowly, I reach the doorway and enter his room, gazing around to calm my nervousness. 'Maybe I should just stop. Maybe I'd better not tell him. Maybe…' My mind itself is undecided. I look at Davis, who is obviously more mature than three years ago, calmer, more self-conscious, more…attractive.

"What is it? Problems in the Digital World?" he asks.

I shake my head. It appears to me that I've lost my ability to speak and also my ability to breathe controlledly. I notice Davis' puzzled look and his even more concerned gaze, in which I feel I could lose myself.

"Then what is it?" he asks carefully. "Problems with your parents…with a friend? Be honest. You can trust me."

'But what if being honest destroys both our lives?' my mind wonders. My throat is so dry I can barely swallow.

"Davis" I reply hoarsely and take a step towards him. He looks at me strangely and my mind immediately panics: 'What are you doing? Stop! You're scaring him! Back to the plan!'

"Davis, I need to talk to you. Please, could you join me for a walk?" I utter, my eyes on the floor.

~~~

It's not snowing anymore and the evening is slowly descending over the city. Not many people around, actually. We're walking side by side in absolute quiet. My eyes are fixed upon my boots while I take small steps and deep breaths, trying to slow down the intense pounding of my blood in my entire body. I stop and raise my head so as to look Davis in the eyes. I think I'm trembling, but I'm not sure.

"Davis", I say more calmly then I expected, "we have to talk". There's a huge lump in my throat that I'm barely able to swallow. But I can't keep concealing the truth from him. Here goes!

"Davis, what I have to--no, what I feel I have to tell you--no ." Great! Now I'm babbling and making an idiot out of myself. I run my hands through my hair in exasperation and shoot a glance at Davis. He probably thinks I've gone crazy. Not that he'd be mistaken, but still…Now what should I do? I _could_ run away, but that wouldn't help. Instead, I look up at the now starry sky and remember the Digiworld. This gives me new strength. I look the thoroughly confused Davis straight in the eyes and say:

"Davis, to put it as bluntly as can be, I'm in love with you."

He looks back at me for a few interminable seconds and I can tell that this particular piece of information hasn't been processed yet. Then…

"W-what?" What I see in his eyes, behind the surprise, is abhorrence and _that_ makes my heart cringe. Tears well up in my eyes as I answer him:

"I love you, Davis."

"But-but…Why?"

"I don't know! How could I know?" Stupid, frustrating question! "You were the one to help me through everything, you were my first true friend. I felt your heart beat every time our digimon jogressed). Somewhere along that line I fell in love with you…"

"But I'm a boy…and you're a boy…this can't be!"

"I know", I reply quietly, "I've told myself that many times. Still it didn't help." I swallow hard and stare at some tree to my left so I don't start to cry. "I guess I'll go now. Good-bye, my friend…" And with that I turn and run, leaving Davis behind. I don't know if I did the right thing by leaving. I don't know if I did the right thing by telling him in the first place. I don't know anything, anymore!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well? What do you think? Review please! Just one word ! Please! Please! Please? (Yes, I know I'm pathetic! ^_^)


	2. Kari and Yolei's Decision

Author's Note: Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it! 

My apologies for the shortness of this chapter! Sorry!

I'm working on the third (also last) part, but it's taking me longer than I thought. You'll see it when it's done!

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. Shocked, aren't you?

+++++++++++++++++++++

Decisions

Chapter 2: Kari and Yolei's Decision

It's already been a week since I've confessed the truth to Davis and I haven't seen him or spoken to him. My schoolwork is going down; I'm hardly eating or sleeping. I know my parents are worried, but I can't tell them what I'm going through. Even though they understood the DigimonKaiser part of me, they can't understand this. I…I tried not to think about him, but it's too hard…

Just as I put my head into my hands and let two single, bitter tears fall on the table, I hear the doorbell ring and my mother answering it. My heart pumps blood faster, giving birth to hope- but hope dies almost immediately, as I see Yolei and Kari standing in my doorway.

"Ken? Is it okay if we come in?"

I nod my head-what else is there to do? - and they enter my room.

"Could I turn on the light?" asks Kari in a shy voice.

"Mhm", I reply.

A flip of the switch, and the white light coming from the ceiling invades my room. It seems so strange to me, to see light in my usually dark room. And the Child of Light, as well. Who isn't exactly a child anymore.

"So why are you here?" I find myself asking.

"Well" answers Yolei, "we haven't seen you in so long, we were wondering I you were all right."

"Oh." I say casually.

Yolei and Kari exchange glances and the latter begins:

"Ken, you know that we are your friends, don't you?"

Why? Why this question that reminds me of the past?

"And you know that we like you and we, err…, accept you for what you are, don't you?" continues Kari.

What's this? Where is this leading? Does this have something to do with the DigimonKaiser?

They probably notice my uneasiness, because they exchange even more concerned glances, looking nervous.

'What is going on here?' my mind screams.

"Ken" says Kari, "it's nothing to worry about. We…we know you're gay."

Silence falls upon my room. Never in my life have the light or the Light seemed so disturbing to me. I feel I have to say something, but what? Should I deny? No, that's probably useless. Should I confirm? They don't look like they need it, I think sourly. 

"How do you know?" I finally manage to say something. And then…the words escape my lips without even thinking: "Did Davis tell you?".

"No. We figured it out by ourselves. We noticed the way you were looking at Davis and the way you were acting and we put two and two together."

So it has been that evident…As much as I've tried to hide it, they've still seen under my pretence. Or maybe I'm not that good at pretending…Who knows…I certainly have no idea.

"We realized who frustrated you had become, but since you weren't telling Davis anything and he was so obviously not aware of what was happening, we didn't consider it our place to interfere", said Kari.

"I'm sorry", added Yolei. "I don't know if that was the right thing to do. Maybe…maybe we should have said something…insinuated something. Seeing Davis like that simply hurt me."

What? Oh, God. I've hurt Davis. Worse yet, Yolei apparently had feelings for him! No, wait, what am I thinking? It's not for the worse--they'll surely be happy together. And if he's happy, I'm happy…hurtfully happy!

"What happened to Davis?" I ask in an unsteady voice.

"You see, he seems so distracted. And if we ask him what's wrong, he gives us this weird look, that's so full of despair, it makes my heart cringe. Sometimes I wonder if he's still sane", answered Yolei.

Davis…my poor Davis. What have I done? This is all my fault!

"I started questioning him, 'Is it that? Or that?'. When I mentioned your name, he said 'yeah' and left the second after. So I talked to Kari and we decided to come over and talk to you, because you hadn't shown up in the last few days. We were thinking…wondering if you had told him your true feelings…"

"Yeah, I did." I say looking somewhere to my right.

"And are you all right?" asks Kari with obvious concern in her voice.

I look at her hopefully, as if I am expecting salvation from her.

"No, I'm not all right. I haven't been for such a long time. But now it's worse- I hurt him! I messed up his life! How could I?" I put my head in my hands and start crying. The pain inside me, and the guilt, is too much.

"There now, it's going to be all right", says the Angel of Light, as she advances and puts her hands on my face, tilting it up. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

Her brown eyes seem to radiate light, and hope, and kindness. (AN: No, I'm _not_ insinuating anything!). Any being in any world, be it real, digital, dark or another, would trust her on the spot.

Only _I_ don't. I wish I could… 

+++++++++++++++++

Review? Please!!!!


	3. Davis' Decision

Author's note: This is the last part of Decisions. Wow, I can't believe I finished it! I'm kinda proud of that! ^_^

I'm sorry that even this chapter is short! But that's all I felt fitted!

Well, thanks for taking interest in my fic! Please be so kind as to inform me what you though about it! A review form or an e-mail address are just clicks away! 

Perhaps we'll meet again with another fic. Until than, good-bye and **enjoy life**!

Disclaimer: the Earth is round and I do not own Digimon- I bet you didn't know _that_! (Yeah, I know it's really lame)

++++++++++++++++++++

Decisions

Chapter 3: Davis' Decision

I am lying in bed, gazing at the full moon, partially shadowed by passing strips of gray clouds. Kari and Yolei left soon after our, …um, conversation.

I am scared, so very scared about Davis, about the impact this has had and will have on him. As I keep thinking about him- the only thing I seem to be able to do- I feel myself becoming more and more worried. I _know_ Davis and although I know he is strong, sometimes the strongest of people… The image forming in my mind is not a pretty sight. But no, I won't let myself think about that. 'Everything will be fine,' Kari said . And Yolei was agreeing with her. They know Davis too, so perhaps…perhaps he'll be alright.

~~~

To my great surprise, I actually managed to sleep for two hours. The dim December morning light woke me up. 

I get dressed and go for a walk. As I step outside of the building, I become aware of the Christmas decorations on the streets and they take me by surprise- I nearly forgot it's _that_ time of the year! Though sharing gifts isn't exactly the first thing on my mind. 

My feet have brought me only a few meters down the street, yet they instantly cease their movement when my wandering eyes unbelievingly notice…notice…-gulp-Davis.

His eyes are sparkling and are also somehow linked to the my respiratory center, as the cold air I have just inhaled remains in my lungs. Davis is merely staying there, as if frozen, and makes no movement what so ever. We only stare at each other, allowing time to roll its precious seconds by us. Not until the air inside me insistently claims its way out, do I realize that I've been holding my breath. Davis and I keep gazing at each other and for me the world around us simply disappears, as I try to read his expression…But the people I've so conveniently forgotten suddenly become important, because their movement hides Davis from my sight. I frown and make my way through the passer-byes, only to find myself nearly colliding into Davis. 

"Ken! Um, hi!?"

"H-hi…"

Davis looks somewhat scared, I think. But why is he here? I steal a quick glance and notice his clenched jaw and his wandering, almost desperate eyes.

Poor Davis…

"Err…" I start, unsure of what to say, "Is there something you would like to tell me?" My voice is a mix - uncertainty, maybe coldness and maybe-hope?

"Yes, I-I--"

The people flow along side us, pushing us to a more isolated place. 

"Davis?"

"Yes, well, actually…"

Silence falls and engulfs us. Neither of us say a word. The concrete under my feet seems to have turned into quick sand, and my body just slides in it further and further…

"Davis, if you're trying to tell me you don't want to see me again, I understand. Just --" My voice falters and Davis takes the opportunity to speak.

"I-," he begins, but he stops as suddenly as before.

"What is it?" I ask with concern.

"Honestly?" 

I nod despite his weird look. 

"Well, for starters, I'm scared half to death."

It is true. I can see him shaking and I try to comfort him.

"Don't be afraid. You are the digidestined of courage, remember?"

"Oh darn. Ken-" he pauses and inhales sharply, looking me straight in the eyes with something that still resembles fear, then continues, almost yelling, "Ken, I love you!"

"Huh?" Though this is not a particularly intelligent thought, it seems the only thing I can articulate.

"I'm in love with you."

The answer is as clear as daylight, but I keep staring at him in surprise, not uttering a single syllable.

"Ken?"

I blink and finally say something.

"Are you sure?" I _suppose _that is more intelligent…..

"Kinda…" he replies and I can see he is but joking.

"But why?" 

'Stupid! You of all people should know what a stupid, pointeless question this is,' my mind nags me and I try to correct myself. 

"Or …how? How have you come to that conclusion?"

"You gave me no choice than to realize that," he smirks.

"What do you mean?", I ask in confusion.

"After you had told me what you did, you practically forced me to think about _love_ and about you and me. I spent the last couple of days arguing with myself; even though I had worked out what I feel for you, I wasn't sure what to do. Then last evening, Kari and Yolei came by and helped me sort out my feelings. They said things like 'you are the only who knows what's in your heart' and 'the time has come for you to make a decision' and, well, I made it!" He smiles somewhat coyly and goes on. "So, does this mean that you and I…"

"Yes! Oh, yes! Davis...I love you so much..."

"I know." And with that he moves foward and presses his lips against mine. 

~~~

Three years have passed. And now, it's Christmas again. And I don't feel alone anymore. I am no longer empty. I guess...I guess I've made the right decision. Everyone has made the right decisions.

THE END

++++++++++++++++++


End file.
